Make that house a home for all
For most men, staying at home the whole day, especially on weekends or holidays, proves difficult. There seems to be a breakdown of expectations or communication with their spouses and family. They simply do not relate and feel out of place each time they are home, forcing them to interact better with friends or colleagues. Some will opt to spend time watching cars drive by or others working to pass the time, especially the non-drinkers. Imbibers opt for bars and intoxication to drown their sorrows. I have heard some men confess to opting to get home tipsy and go straight to bed for fear of the wife and what might set her off.
This week, three men were discussing and my ears jumped. Their conversation resonated with my observation. Two of them were advising a friend to desist from accepting any errand given by the wife. “Azikutola. Azimayitu si anthu oti uzongowamvela. Iwe umaona ngati ukupanga zinthu za chikondi koma kumbaliko amakunena kuti ine nde ndimamuza kape amene uja agule chakuti kapena apite kwa kuti. Sangakanenso” (I ask my idiotic husband for anything and he goes on errands without complaining). Further into the conversation, the two radicals continued to complain about how problematic it is to stay home without their wives picking fights with them. They resort to staying away from trouble and one claimed to visit a welder near his home to watch him work instead of interacting with family. If she doesn’t abandon him to do her own things, she will pick a fight. He even fears sleeping in because of the uncertainty of their interactions.
But what makes a man abandon his home, family, bed and seek peace elsewhere? Is it his woman’s fault or his own making?
A relationship is two-fold. The saying that we make our beds and lie in them ring true in relationships. Those women have stories to tell in their defense. Animosity just doesn’t arise. It begins somewhere until it reaches a breaking point. Bottled up issues explode at some point. If you do not iron out differences or make wrong right, the once admirable bond between two lovers breaks.
What many people forget is that the amount of energy and time put in wooing or courting someone should be maintained even after the prize has been won. Men tend to go overboard when trying to get a woman and ‘sleep’ on the job once she becomes theirs. Love is a full time job and needs greasing and maintenance. It does not have to be expensive. A simple holding of hands, spending time together or watching movies can boost and strengthen a bond. In the absence of affection, intimacy vanishes and emotions evaporate.
I am sure the women have their own forums where they discuss possible killers of intimacy. If only the two sides stopped complaining to others and talked about what’s eating them up, perhaps we could be singing different tunes. Communicate.
This is not withstanding that vibe killers exist. These are people who just love to spoil other people’s moods and peace. Actually, they derive joy from others’ misery and will stop at nothing to show their anger. It’s their nature and well, amati unamsakha wekha. Live with her. Muthawa kunyumba kangati poti mukampezabe?