Dear BMW,
I have been married for quite a while now. In the early years, everything was wonderful. But over time, I began to notice a change in my wife. She lost interest in sex and often had excuses such as headaches, stomachache or tiredness. Sometimes, she starts petty arguments so we would go to bed upset and skip sex.
I dealt with this for a while, but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I reached out to ankhoswe. We reconnected briefly, but her lack of interest returned. We went back to ankhoswe, but the same sequence of events repeated itself. This time, her restrictions on sex were more severe than Mera’s fuel rationing lately. By and by, I learned to cope with my frustrations, because having sex with her on some days felt like I was raping her. I even investigated if she was seeing someone else, but found nothing; she seemed completely loyal.
A close friend of hers was aware of the tension in my marriage. Whenever we talked or met, she would joke about how I looked frustrated and unhappy. Soon, we started to connect on a deeper level. Our physical relationship was intense, satisfying and frequent, sometimes up to five times a week.
During this time, I completely stopped trying to be intimate with my wife. I was having too much fun with her friend. My wife had to make do with very little intimacy while I enjoyed it abundantly. This went on for over a year until my wife asked why I wasn’t asking for sex like I used to. I told her I was just respecting her wishes. After that conversation, she began trying to initiate sex more often, which put me in a tough spot. Part of me thinks this is just a temporary change and she might revert to her old ways. Unlike many men, I can’t meet the sexual needs of both women.
I have developed a close relationship with the other woman and I feel so connected that I can’t abandon her after she has kept me ‘sane’ for over a year. On the other hand, I have a wife to whom I made a lifelong promise and she is fulfilling her marriage duties.
Biggie, should I part ways with her friend and remain with my wife? Or is it okay to have both in my life?
Madala via WhatsApp, Area 51 Lilongwe
Dear ‘Madala’,
For someone who’s still in the ‘I can’t believe I’m an adult’ phase, calling yourself Madala is a bit ambitious! That title is for the wise and experienced and you’re still figuring out how to act like an adult. You’re not exactly the top dog by any stretch.
Now, let’s get to the juicy part. You say your wife was the model of loyalty and totally devoted to you. Here’s a reality check; do you think the husbands of the ladies who got gobbled up by Baltasar Ebang Engonga thought their wives were anything, but loyal? I can bet my last tambala that your wife was getting her groove on with someone — could be her boss, her co-worker, her underling, ogulitsa tomato, mlonda! And let’s face it, that someone probably knew how to turn up the heat better than you do. The only reason she’s suddenly all about you is that her other ‘friend’ has ghosted her. You’re her ‘spare tire’ even though she wears your ring! So, you’ve got a bird in the hand (your wife’s friend); don’t toss it away for a fleeting thrill (your wife)! Akapeza wina azayambilanso kudwala mutu, m’mimba, m’mabondo, etc.
Honestly, what kind of lazy person are you if you can’t please just two women? Think about how difficult it was for King Solomon and Baltasar Ebang Engonga with so many women to keep happy. You’re a disappointment to men everywhere.
Just a little heads-up; you’re absolutely going to get caught, so, why not start plotting how you’ll explain yourself out of that one. Don’t say you weren’t warned!
I, BMW, have spoken.
