Should I dump them both?

Dear Biggie,

If there are people who enjoy life, I am one of them. I carouse and paint the town red like nobody’s business and you know what that means. And, Biggie, I just love sex like nobody’s business. When I look at a woman, I end up undressing her in my mind. To tell you the truth, I usually do not really care when and where I will have it with the willing victims.

But that is not why I am writing you today, BMW. I know you can’t solve any of my libido problems and you are no sex therapist. But let’s face the truth, as an agony uncle you have all the answers.

I have a girlfriend. We have never talked about getting married some day. But then, some things just happen. She is now pregnant and has been talking about us getting married. Geez. And, that is not my problem. But for some time, I have also been munching her younger sister’s goods. Funny enough, she too says she is pregnant. I am in a fix as they are both beautiful women.

Help me BMW, should I dump both of them, choose one or marry both?

Ghettozen, via WhatsApp, Blantyre.

 Dearest Citizen wa mu Ghetto,

It appears you are in a deep quagmire. The sand is sinking beneath your feet simply because you seem to lack direction because of your selfishness and lust.

We need a professional locksmith to fix a lock for you to keep in check your weapon of mass procreation. Make no mistake, I have no problems with a man kuthyola khola once or twice at some point in their lives, but your prowess in bed is just colossal that the demon would need milliards of angels to exorcise.

To say the least, man you are too greedy with women. What do you really want in women? Women, my friend, have never been sex tools and the likes of you put a bad name on those of us who know a thing or two about shagging.

I agree with you only on one point. Sex is not only for procreation. It is a stress-buster, pleasant dosage for happiness and what not. But those who want sex-for-pleasure know there are tools that help prevent unwanted pregnancy. You are a ghettozen and must know of the many methods at your disposal—rubbers and stuff.

Coming to the problem at hand, you are lost, if I may say. You don’t dump women just like that because the law clearly does not protect fathers who neglect their children-born or unborn-just like that. I can forsee that the two sisters will not go for an abortion, so be ready to bear the costs of raising kids.

On whether you have to dump both or choose one, I will tell you not to follow one of these options. I will tell you that you just have to follow the Biblical Jacob and marry the two sisters. Remember Jacob had to marry both Rebeccah and Leah! Follow that lead. By the way, marrying two women will help cure your over the top libido. Sleep well.

Akulu adyera inu eti?

Share This Post