Girlfriend can’t get over my past

Dear BMW,

In my village there is a saying: If you want my future, forget my past. But my girlfriend who I intend to build a future with seems not ready to let go of what I did five years ago.

This issue is really plaguing our relationship and I do not know if it will survive.

Let me confess, I was young and I did things most young people do. Unfortunately, some lazy bones have unpacked every scandal I was involved in to my girlfriend.

Biggie, I think you know that by human nature, many of us will have periods of experimentation and judgment errors and we figure out who we are as we are given more freedom of choice.

So let me come clean. I had sex with an army of girls and my girlfriend knows that even some of her friends are on my list. Ndagwetsa angapo ndithu! I was also smoking weed, drinking and partying like hell, was arrested several times and hospitalised with zindoko and others STDs.

But I am changed now and as anyone who has made it to 30 years of age will tell you, they are a totally different version of themselves from who they were at 25, or even 20. Why then should those trial versions of you become a perpetual reference point?

Should I let her go and find someone who will be OK with my past?

Benja, via WhatsApp, Blantyre.


It would appear your girlfriend is really stuck in some mud. Unfortunately for her, as well, is that the rainy season is long gone and she is still wading in the cakes. Some say, women like elephants never forget an injury. Yours must be a very old one.

It is high time you dumped her before it is too late. Never, ever think she will get over it. I am telling you by heart, it will be harder than you think when you marry her. She, I repeat, is like an old Loxodonta africanus.

I can only imagine you in a marriage bed, and she accidentally reads a message from your female workmate why you are coming late!

You cannot take your past from your girlfriend. It is very difficult to convince someone who holds it that a fish is an insect! Your girlfriend holds it that you are a philanderer and you can even bury the ocean to claim you moved on, but she will not have any of it.

I am telling you, even if you can crash the Mulanje Mountain to quarry dust, your woman won’t be moved a bit.

My friend, the world is full of all joys for you to be stuck. Move on, the rains are over. When you walk in the garden and all you see are roses, you must have a problem not to spot other beautiful flowers like orchids and dahlias!

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!

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